I’ve been on hiatus for a couple of weeks while trying to finish my BA in History. I will get back to the book reviews soon. I’m working on a couple of pretty amazing books that I’m really enjoying. Another piece of good news is I graduated, and I graduated with a pretty good gpa, enough to get honors recognition. Super psyched and hyped. Yes: I’m bragging. Yes: I know it’s not always the most becoming thing to do, but I worked very hard for a very long time. To be honest, it most likely it’s not over for me yet as I may be applying to grad school (more to come on that later).
Putting aside the efforts towards self praise, the actual essence of today’s entry is something I hold super close and dear to my heart and that is the importance of women supporting–and subsequently praising–other women. I had two very excellent examples within the last week, one being from a professor I was in close contact with throughout my journey into the very relevant subject of history whom I finally had the chance to meet (I did distance learning–I work full time, it’s nearly impossible for me to drive to classes & still find time to live). The other was from today with an acquaintance-come-friend from high school (that feels so long ago) who just recently started to share a blog that she’s been working hard on for awhile and I think it’s beautiful.
The first story is in regards to the professor whom, whether she knows it or not, was a serious guiding light both during and after I took her class. She is the kind of teacher that makes you want to learn. She provides the instructions, soil, and the sunlight needed to help a student grow. When I finally met her in person, I wasn’t at all surprised to see she was just as warm and intelligent as she was via email, but I was completely taken aback by how infectious and magnetic she was face to face. Let me put it this way: my spouse was with me when I met her and she made him want to learn things even in our extremely short interaction. My spouse, who completely abhors most educational institutions and is skeptical of most teachers. That’s saying something. I was also surprised when she turned to me and looked me in the eye and asked what my plans were. She then proceeded to effortlessly convince me that I should consider grad school, throwing in some extra incentive by offering to write me a recommendation. She is the kind of woman I aspire to be, the one who builds other people up, and guides and inspires other women to strive for their highest potential in the most uncomplicated and subtle-yet-straightforward of ways. However, I realized that the reason I know these qualities is because I look for them so often now because those are the kinds of women I want in my life.
Sometimes all you need to do is like their post, send them an encouraging text to let them know you think they’re doing something awesome or that they’ll get through a hard time, or even by following or sharing their blog. Sometimes the best way is to create something using your own personal experiences that allows others to see our truth and commiserate and grow in the knowledge that we are all flawed and it’s not the end-all-be-all of who we are.
So many people these days think that showing success as an uncomplicated and flawless marble staircase is the way to encourage others. “If you do ‘a’ you will get ‘b’–it’s easy! You just have to seem perfect and courageous and thin and rich and you can’t show anyone any of your flaws ever!!!! I’m totally perfect so that’s how I got here, and I also never slow down or fail.” But that’s now how you lift others up, it’s how you discourage those in this world who see themselves for who they are: perfectly imperfect humans. That’s not providing handholds, that’s building a wall. It’s just greasing those marble stairs in a way that discourages all who try to step on them and slide off due to the weight of expectation that you’re dropping on their shoulders.
In reality, success and life in general are a messy and complicated set of wooden stairs that sometimes make you feel like the blueprints were drawn by M. C. Escher. This is why I find it so amazing that people like Ashley (http://momsbeautifulmess.com) are writing blogs about their messy lives and are realizing that their journey has brought them wisdom that needs sharing. She talks about her life experiences with anxiety, substance abuse, infertility and PCOS and how they’ve affected her journey. However, they were never the destination and that is the crux of it. She has a beautiful family and a home and although these experiences were a part of her, they never defined her. Although we’ve known one another since we were kids, I don’t think we ever actually knew one another. I’m not even sure we wanted to back then. However, as women who have lived our lives and made our mistakes and suffered mental and physical illness, our experiences and flaws have made us anew. We’re changed. We’re survivors, and we understand the importance of letting others know that the ugliness in life is only a small part. We’ve owned our experiences and through this we are able to explore the strengths that have come from them and encourage others to do the same.
It absolutely is beautiful because life is so messy and so complicated and it’s an experience we all share, despite the scrubbed, brushed, and patched public face we try to show every day. Owning your experience is something that is so important both for the world to see and for your personal self worth. Our flaws make us human and despite what the world wants us to think, they’re part of our success as well and are sometimes the very thing that make us successful. Our flaws are the things that actually bring us closer to other people. Our weaknesses make us vulnerable enough to open ourselves so other people can see us and grab hold.
Allowing other women to see our own vulnerabilities helps them find a kindred spirit and also helps us to find peace. Given that we’re often more empathetic because that’s how we’re built, we can connect to other women who are similar to us, and it’s through this connection that we can see their strengths and encourage them. It is so easy to step on someone to elevate yourself, but you don’t get as far as when you lift those around you to a place where they can reach a hand down and pull you up when you need it. Success comes in all shapes and sizes as well and sometimes you don’t even see it until you look at another person and see what success looks like to them, but you will never see it by stepping on them without looking. By crushing others, you are only burying yourself.
We just need to be honest with ourselves and those around us. Encourage others to reach their potential whenever you find the opportunity. Share your experience with another person and build bridges with them so that you can know them and help them and they can know you and help you as well. Ladies, I implore you to reach out to your sisters and brothers and embrace them. Show everyone how valuable we are to this world. I truly believe that in doing so, we will create a place we all want to live in and if we can do that, we can make it better for all of humankind.
Always Lost in Words 